Spitfire Picks up Lian
by Bromances and Spitfire
Summary: So this is basically going to be a series of oneshots centered around Spitfire doing things and putting their on Spitfirey touch to them. Ratings will probably always be around low T. Chapter 6 - Spitfire Goes Christmas Shopping - Creative gifts, terrible gifts, funny gifts, and a very sentimental gift.
1. Spitfire Picks up Lian

**Spitfire Picks up Lian**

**Disclaimer: I have no ownership of Young Justice**

"Ugh! What's taking her so long?" Wally complained, his elbow rested on top of the car windowsill with his face pressed against his palm.

"You're one to talk. We were supposed to be here 10 minutes ago, but you just had to use the restroom." Artemis said, arms crossed in a brooding manner and rolling her eyes into the window, which Wally took notice of urging him to rebuttal.

"Hey! I'm a speedster meaning super-fast metabolism; and super-fast metabolism means super-fast digestive system which means I need to poo-"

Wally stopped his rant when two infamously terrifying gray eyes glared at him with a look he'd seen many times which always means, 'shut up before I kill you'.

Artemis was finally given the gift of silence, but only for a few brief moments. Not even 10 seconds later did she hear her red-headed boyfriend complain some more.

"If we're late, shouldn't she be here then?"

"It's like 100 degrees out, she probably went inside." Artemis responded disconcertedly, her gaze still out the window.

"Then how will she know if we're here or not?"

"What do you mean? You called her to tell her we were coming." Artemis stated matter-of-factly.

"I did?" Wally asked confused.

Artemis' eyes darted back to Wally.

"I told you to call her to tell her we were coming! How could you forget! Jeez Wally, sometimes I just don't know what to do-"

_Bzz, Bzz, Bzz._

"Hold that thought." Wally said, raising his index finger while rummaging his pocket for his phone.

"Hello?" Wally answered, pressing the phone against his ear.

"Hey Uncle Wally, where are you? Are you here yet?" came the lighthearted voice of his beloved niece – Lian.

"Hey kiddo! Yea, we're here. Just outside-"

"Wait, we?" Lian asked surprised.

"Oh yea, I brought your Auntie Arty along too, cause' you know how much of a ray of sunshine she is." Wally replied, giving a flamboyant smile and wink at Artemis who just gave a sarcastic smile.

"Hehehe, I know. Alright, well I'll be right out then. See ya!"

"Alright, see ya!"

Wally hung up the phone while smiling victoriously at Artemis who couldn't help but let a smile form on her face while she shook her head at the silliness and stupidity of her boyfriend.

"You know Artemis, I've been thinking. We should have kids." Wally said.

Artemis, knowing Wally's jovial ways just thought he was joking, but quickly realized he was being serious when there was no sarcastic remark following his sentiments.

"You can't be serious. Us. Have kids?" Artemis said with a bewildered look on her face.

"Hundred percent babe. Think about it. We've babysitted Lian since she was a baby, and now she's 13-"

"14."

"Yea, that's what I said, but think about it! A bunch of little Wally's and Artemis' running around and-"

Wally paused in his persuasive speech when he saw Lian talking to a boy in front of the school.

Wally quickly ducked down, pulling Artemis down with him.

"What are you doing Wally!" Artemis said annoyed, while forcing herself back up, only to be pushed back down again by Wally.

"Artemis stay down! They're going to see us!"

Artemis, swiping Wally's arm away, sat back up to look out the window.

"Whose going to see us?"

Wally tried to push Artemis back down again, but his efforts were soon put to an end when Artemis bended his fingers back.

"Lian and that boy are going to see us!" Wally exclaimed while rubbing his fingers.

"Are you kidding me? Who cares if they see us?" Artemis replied, maneuvering her head to get a better view of the pair.

"What do you mean 'who cares if they see us'! We don't know their relationship! We don't want to think we're spying on them."

Artemis let out a scoff.

"Jeez, and you want kids. Wally, they're probably just friends, and we're not spying on them." Artemis said with her hands cupped above her eyes like binoculars.

"I'm calling Roy."

Wally pulled out his phone and began searching for Roy's number.

"Why are you calling Roy?"

Wally, now holding the phone to his ear while the call rings, responds, "Because, he would want to know that his daughter is in a relationship.

"Wally! They're just friends! Ugh, nevermind, you're hopeless." Artemis said defeatedly, returning back to her previous position.

The phone stopped ringing, and a creaking replaced it, followed by an out-of-breath Roy.

"Hello?"

"Hey Roy! It's Wally."

"Oh, what's up Kid? Aren't you… ugh… supposed to… ugh… be picking up...ugh… Lian?"

"Yea, we're outside the school, but anyway, that's not why I called you. She's talking to some boy and-"

Wally was interrupted by the creaking noise that he had heard a couple of seconds ago, and it had noticeably gotten louder… and faster.

"Uhh, Roy? What are you doing?" Wally asked hesitantly.

"Ugh… Nothing Kid…ugh… just tell me...ugh… what you wanted to…ugh… tell me."

But before Wally was able to answer, a woman with a Vietnamese accent could be heard screaming through the phone.

"Oh my god Roy! Hang up the phone now!"

"I gotta go Kid."

Wally let the line stay for a couple more seconds, allowing repetitive, high-pitched moans of pleasure and masculine groans seep through to his ear.

"What'd he say, and did he tell you why he couldn't pick up Lian today?" Artemis asked, still 'observing' Lian.

"Nothing much, and yea. He's busy doing something right now."

"Doing what?"

"Umm…you know. Just some foreign affairs."

"Foreign affairs? With which country?"

"Oh you know. Vietnam."

"Hmm, I can see that. They have been having trouble with illegal distribution of guns over there."

"Uh huh."

"Hey, he's pretty cute." Artemis said.

"Who's cute?" Wally asked suspiciously with a hint of jealousy.

"No one, hey Lian!"

The car door opened and entered a gleaming Lian.

"Hey Aunt Artemis!"

"Hey sweetie! Sorry about being late. Your Uncle Kid Idiot over here just _had_ to use the restroom." Artemis said giving Wally a teasing glare.

"Hey, I already explained to you the struggles of being me. I have a hard life." Wally said jokingly.

"It's alright, I didn't mind." Lian assured.

"See, she didn't mind Arty." Wally said while driving forward. "And hey, don't you think I've outgrown that name. I'm not Kid Flash anymore nor am I kid."

"Well for one, you still act like a kid and you're an idiot, so therefor you're still Kid Idiot." Artemis replied confidently, while Lian giggled in the back.

"You see what I have to deal with Lian? No respect. Sometimes I wonder why I even married this spitfire."

"Oh really? Maybe you should've married that one brunette you were gawking at yesterday!" Artemis retaliated back, her tone obviously angered.

"I already told you! I was looking at the vegetables she was picking at. I was really hungry that day!"

"Mm-hmm, sure you were! Just like you were looking at the diapers she was choosing from. What, your stomach feeling upset that day too?" Artemis spat, rolling her eyes.

"I was looking at the diapers! I just told you didn't I? I want to have kids!"

"Wally we're not having kids! It's already bad enough having you around to take care of, but now you want kids? You can't even take care of yourself!"

This went on the whole car ride back to Roy's house, but Lian didn't mind. She was used to it and she knew it was because they were madly in love with each other.


	2. Spitfire Babysits Lian

_30 minutes ago_

"Baby food, diapers, toys, books, wipes, and pacifier are all on the kitchen counter and you have our number. Wally pay attention!" Roy reprimanded.

"I am!" Wally protested while trying to figure out how to use Roy's TV.

"Make sure she naps for at least 20 minutes, she won't want to, so you'll have to read her a book, and-"

"Her favorite is Alice in the Wonderland. Got that West? Read 'Alice in the Wonderland' to her." Jade interrupted while lightly bouncing up and down with Lian resting against her shoulder.

"Don't worry Jade I got it."

"You better hope so or it's your neck."

Wally made a face and mouthed what Jade said in a mocking manner while Roy continued Wally's responsibilities.

"Anyway…make sure she drinks her milk, I left the bottle next to the microwave so you remember to heat it up; she'll spit it out if it's not warm. Also she sweats a lot when she sleeps so remember to cool her off, but do NOT wake her up or else she will cry indefinitely. When you change her diaper, wipe from bottom to top then finish with a wet wipe and make sure the diaper isn't too tight, but also not too loose either; if it's too loose, she'll pull them off. When you give her a bath, fill it up halfway then put in the bubble soap, anymore and the bubbles will overflow. The water MUST be lukewarm or else she'll cry. Make sure she eats at least two cups of baby food, she likes it when you pretend you're shooting the spoon like an arrow."

"Really?" Wally asked askance.

"Yes. But I gotta warn you, sometimes she can get a little rowdy and slap at the spoon so watch out."

"Roy, I'm a speedster. I've got super reflexes, don't even worry about it." Wally said arrogantly with his thumb directed towards him.

"Yea… whatever. Now, also remember that if she does cry, give her the Cheshire cat plushy and hold her to your shoulder while you rub her back and bounce up and down lightly. Then, when she starts to calm down, give her the pacifier and she'll fall asleep. Alright, what else?" Roy racked his brain to see if he forgot anything, rubbing his chin with his fingers.

"I think you got everything Roy, now let's go" Jade said impatiently, while she walked over to Wally to hand over Lian.

"West, if even one hair on her head is misplaced, I'm going to claw off every single one of those ugly looking freckles on your face. Got it?"

Wally gulped with frightened eyes before nodding his head as confirmation and took Lian.

"Alright Wally, I'm trusting you and remember to tell Artemis everything I told you when she gets here! Please don't screw this up." Roy said, as Jade pulled him out the door.

"Stop worrying bro, I've got this! What could go wrong?"

_Present_

"Shh, Lian, shh, Aunty Artemis has got you."

"Wahhh! Wahhh!" Lian's cries were starting to become so ear-wrenching that Artemis swore he was half deaf in her left ear.

Suddenly, the door burst open revealing a frantic speedster with arms full of baby food.

"Finally, what took you so long?"

"The freaking line for check-out was crazy!"

"Whatever, just get one open and feed it to Lian!"

"I know I know! Argh! Jeez, this thing is sealed shut!" Wally rapidly waved his hand in the air to cope with the pain after his failed attempt to open the container.

"Here, give it to me." Artemis said, handing Lian over to Wally in place for the baby food.

Artemis squeezed the lid tight and twisted. The lid popped off, but the container slipped out of Artemis' hand and shattered onto the floor creating another glob of baby food on the tiles adding to the horrific mess the couple and Lian had already made.

The walls were splattered with baby food mixed with what looked like milk. The floor was covered a giant puddle of milk and random globs of baby food. Next to the couch was a copy of "Alice in the Wonderland" that looked like it had been doused in vinegar and had a wretched stench engrossing it, also a diaper that looked as if it had been on Lian at one point. On the couch was a balled up towel that looked to be drenched. Cluttering the coffee table were several pee and poo stained diapers, a mountain of baby wipes and toilet papers that were also stained with the same substances, stuffing from what used to be a Cheshire cat plushy, and a pacifier.

"Oh my god babe, what are we going to do?! Roy just texted me saying he's own his way home!"

Wally was frantic; he was basically vibrating from panic and anxiety which did not help to soothe the miserable Lian.

"Wally, everything's going to be okay, just use your super speed to clean everything up while I deal with Lian! Now hand her over and get to work!"

Just as Wally returned Lian back to Artemis, the door clicked open. However, due to all ofthe ruckus going on around the couple, they didn't notice, at least not until Roy decided to speak up.

"What. The hell. HAPPENED?!"

Artemis and Wally both looked up in utter fear when they heard the hostile voice, Lian on the other hand stopped crying and raised her arms toward her father and whimpered, "Dada!"

Roy walked over to Lian and scooped her up , and just at that moment Jade walked in; face completely shocked, but only for a moment because quickly it turned into one of complete rage.

Jade looked as if she was about to pounce onto the pair, but Roy was quick to restrain her.

"Woah, Jade. Before we kill them, let's find out what happened first."

Roy glared daggers at them, signaling them to explain themselves.

Wally and Artemis just looked at each other, they didn't even know where to start, but they did the best they could to explain.

Wally started first.

"OkaywellatfirstItriedtofeedLianbutthenshekeptslappingthespoo-"

"Wally! Human speed please!" Roy reminded.

"Oh right, sorry. Okay, so I tried feeding her first, but she kept slapping the spoon away so I gave up on that, deciding to just giving her milk. But I forgot to warm it up so she spit it out, but when I went to warm it up, I slipped on the baby food and spilled the milk everywhere."

Artemis then continued.

"After that, Lian started to cry because she was still hungry I think, so I lulled her to sleep. So 5 minutes into her nap, she started to sweat like crazy and she was heating up like a fireball so I got a rag and wiped off the sweat, but she was still really hot. So I drenched the rag with cold water, but when I put it on her head she started to cry. I tried to lull her back to sleep, I even tried reading 'Alice in the Wonderland' to her but she still wouldn't go back to sleep. I thought that it must've been because her diaper was full, but it wasn't, at least not at first. When I opened up the diaper, she started to pee and I used the book to cover myself."

Then Wally spoke again.

"So after she finished pissing on Artemis, I changed her diaper, but right when I changed it, she pooped herself so I had to change it again. But when I was wiping her butt she started to pee again! Like seriously, how does a baby pee that much?! Anyway, when I changed her again, I think I made it too loose, because she pulled them right off and started to throw a fit. I tried to calm her down. I even gave her, her favorite toy, but she- and I kid you not, she freaking ripped it in half like Supey would do to a monkey. So after I realized that nothing was working I thought I'd give her a bath to calm her-

Wally stopped abruptly, both his and Artemis' eyes grew large, and a panicked looked swept over their faces.

Then they both yelled in sync.

"THE BATH!"

Wally supersped into the bathroom and was followed by crash and a painful yelp entering the bathroom.

Artemis, Roy and Jade raced into the bathroom to see the red-headed speedster upside down, back against the tub, and engulfed in bubbles, in fact, the whole bathroom was engulfed with bubbles.

Roy and Jade had no words. Jade just hid her face in her hand while rubbing her temples while Roy gave a disappointing and regretful look at Artemis who awkwardly asked with a sheepish smile, "So… we still on for next week?"

**So I know this isn't Wally and Artemis' taking care of their own kid like you wanted speedmon, but its close haha. Anyway, i came up with an idea of making this a series of spitfire doing things in their own eccentric way so hopefully you guys like it. I'll take suggestions, but i may not be able to update this as frequently since school and all. But i hope you guys enjoyed this, there will be more to come!**


	3. Spitfire Takes Dick to the Dentist

"Dick please just come out!" Artemis yelled through the door into the bathroom.

"No!" replied the 18 year old crime-fighter.

"It's just the dentist!"

"No!"

"You're being a baby!"

"No!"

"Will you quit saying 'no!'?"

"No!"

Artemis gave a pleading look to Wally for help who was just staring at her with an I-warned-you look.

Seeing that Wally wasn't going to attempt to pry Dick out of the bathroom, Artemis continued on.

"Dick, you're freaking Nightwing – protector of Bludhaven, and you're scared of a little dentist appointment?"

"Yes!"

"Dick, please! Bruce asked us to take you, and if you don't go we're all screwed."

"I don't care!"

"Well I do care! I'm not getting glared at and lectured by the Bat just because you're too much of a pansy to go to the dentist!"

"You're a pansy!"

"Ugh! Richard John Grayson, if you don't get your ass out here in 10 seconds I'm going to tell Babs about what happened at the New Year's Eve Party!"

"Go ahead, she already knows!"

Artemis shrieked in vexation, feeling as if she was bashing her head into an unbreakable wall.

Meanwhile, Wally was just chuckling to himself and enjoying his girlfriend's failed attempt to sway his hopelessly frightened best friend out of the bathroom, earning a vicious glare from Artemis.

Although it seemed as if Dick would never come out, Artemis was stubborn and refused to give in to Dick's childish behavior (plus she didn't want to give Wally the satisfaction of being right). Artemis decided to try a different approach; a gentler one.

"Dick, Dickie hun, please will you come out. I promise they won't hurt you."

"Yes they will! They're evil, eviler than the Penguin, than Bane, than Ivy, even more evil than the Joker!"

"Okay, now you're just being ridiculous. The dentist is definitely not as bad as the Joker."

"Easy for you to say, your teeth are perfect, so dentists love you!"

"He does have a point babe." Wally interjected. "You do have perfect teeth."

Wally said, approaching Artemis with an adoring stare, then pressing her against the door of the bathroom and kissing her passionately.

"Mmm, well thank God for perfect teeth." Artemis replied, wrapping her arms around Wally's neck and leaning into another long kiss.

"Hey! You guys better not be screwing each other in my house again!" came a muffled, but fierce voice.

Wally, lips still pressed against Artemis' said through a smile, "We're not, and we never did in the first place!"

"Oh please! You think I don't know about YOU GUYS at the New Year's Eve party? I know you guys banged in my room!"

The couple instantly separated themselves from their intimate kiss, both blushing.

"W-what, are you talking about bro? We never did it in your room last New Year's Eve." Wally stated, though the tone in his voice wasn't very convincing.

"Wally. I found one of your socks in my room." Dick said matter-of-factly.

"So that's where that sock went." Wally mused to himself, then suddenly had an idea.

"Fine, you caught us, but if you don't want us to do it again, then you better get out and let us take you the dentist!"

"Wally! You guys better not! I swear I'll cut off your testicles and sell them on eBay!"

"Sorry buddy, but you better hurry; Artemis just took off my shirt!"

The whole time Wally was just staring at Artemis with a devilish grin, while Artemis struggled to keep herself from giggling like a maniac.

"Wally?"

Wally signaled Artemis to be quiet with a finger pressed against his lips, but had to cover her mouth with his hand when she couldn't hold in her laughter.

"Wally? Artemis? I know you guys are still out there!"

Wally shut Dick's bedroom door making sure Dick could hear it close.

When Dick heard the door shut he immediately shot up and threw open the bathroom door, crying out Wally's name. However, everything soon became black.

"You didn't have to hit him that hard you know."

"Well he shouldn't have been such a pain in my ass in the first place, and came out when I asked him to."

"Yea, but you know how he can be; he just needs a little bit of a push."

"Well that's exactly what I gave him – a 'push'."

"Ha, more like a sucker punch."

"Ughhh…. Wha- what's going on? Where am I?" Dick asked, wincing at the pain from his head.

"Oh hey bud, we're just on our way to take you to your dentist appointment." Wally answered non-chalantly.

"W-what? N-no, no, I don't want to go!" Dick screamed, trying to squirm away, but quickly realized his hands and feet were tied.

Upon this realization, Dick became feral, starting to feel claustrophobic like a caged animal.

"No! Let me go! I don't want to go! Please, let me go! Ahhhhhh-mmmmmm!"

Artemis quickly gagged Dick, silencing the tall ebony.

"Nice thinking babe, I knew I picked a good one." Wally complimented, kissing Artemis on the cheek.

"Ahh, peace and quiet." Artemis sang, putting her hands behind her head and her legs on the dashboard while Dick desperately struggled to free himself from his bonds and escape his inevitable doom.


	4. Spitfire Gets a Dog

It was a normal, sunny day out in Palo Alto. Wally and Artemis were just walking down a shopping strip, enjoying each other's company and the relaxing feeling of not having to worry about some sort of mayhem arising, when all of sudden a shrill was heard.

"Ahh! Oh my god babe, look at these puppies! Can we get one?"

"No, we don't have room in the apartment; it's already stuffy enough with just us two."

"Pleaseeee! I've always wanted a dog, and look at them; they're so cute!"

"Do you know how much of a hassle it would be to take care of a dog, let alone an energetic puppy?"

"Please babe, I promise I'll take care of it and everything. I'll take it on walks, groom it, wash it, and pick up after it, the whole ten yards!"

"Ugh… fine. But it's not sleeping in our bed Wally!"

"Deal!"

"Here you are boy, your new home!" Wally said emphatically, throwing open the door to their quaint little apartment and setting the pit bull down to let him roam the place.

"You better make sure he doesn't make his mark anywhere in here." Artemis warned before heading to the kitchen to prepare dinner.

"Don't worry, I'll watch him." Wally reassured, walking toward their bedroom and calling out for the pup. "Brucely, here boy!"

"What kind of name is that anyway – Brucely?" Artemis shouted after Wally while she stirred the broth in the pot.

"It's an awesome name, that's what it is; perfect for a pit bull." Wally responded as he walked back toward the kitchen with Brucely in his arms.

"You're an idiot." Artemis said rolling her eyes, trying her best not to laugh at the doting smile painted across Wally's face as he adoringly stared at the little ball of fluff in his arms.

"Well you said yes to this idiot, so what does that make you?"

"The dumbest person on this earth."

"Well, you're also the most beautiful person on this earth." Wally kissed Artemis on the cheek as she set down the pot of stew on the dining table.

Artemis gave Wally a suspicious look and stood with arms akimbo.

"What?"

"There are only two reasons why you give me compliments: If you're trying to get some, or if you did something, and I know you don't like to get frisky before dinner so, what happened."

"Can't I just compliment my beautiful girlfriend without her accusing me of deceit?"

Artemis just held her position, eyeing Wally with all the suspicion he could take.

"Okay, fine. Brucely peed on our bed."

Brucely followed with a bark.

"Hmm, well I guess you're going to have clean it up then." Artemis said calmly, spooning the stew into a bowl.

"Really? That's it? No insults, no yelling, no nothing?"

Artemis just responded by non-chalantly blowing on the stew in her spoon.

"Awesome! I'll just do it after dinner, I'm starving." Wally then put down Brucely and went to spoon himself a bowl of soup."

"Touch that spoon Baywatch and you sleep outside tonight." Artemis said in a calm-threatening tone.

"B-but, I haven't eaten all day babe, I'm starving!"

Artemis looked up from her soup and gave Wally a scowl he'd only seen on two occasions: when he was late to their first anniversary dinner, and when he dyed her bow and arrows pink.

"I'll go clean up the pee." Wally supersped into their room before Artemis really lost her patience.

Artemis then heard Brucely whine for food, giving her puppy dog eyes that she couldn't resist. Artemis let a smile spread across her face and filled her spoon with stew then putting next to the little pup to eat. Artemis couldn't help but giggle at how the pit bull eagerly attacked the stew, licking the spoon even after the stew was gone. Artemis picked up Brucely and set him on her lap along with the bowl of stew. Grinning with mirth and patting Brucely's head, Artemis said, "Wally may not be able to eat tonight, but that doesn't mean you can't."

**Hey guys, so I need your guys help for my next chapter. It's gonna be spitfire going on a double date with Dick, but i want to know if you guys rather have Zatanna or Barbara as Dick's date. So give me your preference in the reviews, thanks and I hope you guys are enjoying these!**


	5. Spitfire Goes on a Double Date

"Where are they? They should be here by now." Dick asked frustrated, checking his gold watch (god damn rich boys).

"You know, for the second fastest man alive, he's late to a lot of things." Dick's date said, checking her make-up in her mirror.

"Pff! You don't need to tell me, I've known the guy for 8 years; maybe 8 years too many." Dick whispered the last part.

"Dickie, please don't get all grouchy tonight. I want this night to be special. We haven't been able to go out in forever since having to deal with our responsibilities to the League, but I mean it's Valentine's Day for crying out loud, we deserve to-"

"Hello. Where's Wally? What do you mean he's still changing?" Dick had his phone to his ear, and clearly hadn't listened to a word his date had said which peeved her off quite a bit and mind you, this isn't the girl to peeve off.

Scrunching up her nose and furrowing her eye brows, looking as if she was ready to implode Zatanna spoke a spell, putting the phone on fire.

"Hello? Artemis, you still there? What the- ahh!"

Dick quickly dropped his phone in Champaign, and then submerged his hand in his glass of water. Looking at Zatanna for an explanation, Dick received a snarky turn of the head, followed by an 'hmph!' and crossed arms.

_Meanwhile at the Spitfire household_

"Wallace Rudolph West, get your freckled covered ass out here right now!"

At the sound of Artemis' rage, Brucely cowered underneath the couch and started whimpering.

"Ugh, we're 20 minutes late Wally! Why do always do this, how is it possible that you're the one that takes the longest to get changed in this relationship?"

Almost on cue, Wally walked out in a black suit with a red bow tie and his hair slicked to the side.

"Hey, I just want to look good for my spitfire okay, it's not every day you get to see me in a suit." Wally jested while walking over to Artemis to give her a kiss, only for Artemis to reject it and open the door.

"You're driving." Artemis tossed the keys to Wally.

"Aww man!"

_Back at the overly expensive restaurant that Dick insisted they eat at even though he was the only one that could afford it._

"Zee, cmon! You know how I hate people being late, and knowing how much this night means to you, I wanted everything to be perfect, meaning everyone was here – on time." Dick pulled all of that out of his ass, he just wanted to eat. It's been a while since he had a $130 steak and Wally was depriving him of that for the moment.

"Well there are other ways of showing it Dick, but clearly you don't seem to care enough to think about it." Zatanna's fierce sass was second to none, except for maybe Babs, but Dick could reconsider.

"Zee, please I really don't want to fight tonight," Dick then walked around the table to Zatanna and wrapped his arms around her, leading a trail of kisses from her shoulder to her lips.

"You're damn lucky that you have soft lips." Zatanna whispered, and then pressed her lips against Dick's again. But before they could begin a full blown make-out scene, Wally and Artemis arrived.

"Woah, when can I get me some of that babe?" Wally asked, putting his hands on Artemis' hip and giving her a sheepish smile.

"Maybe when you stop acting like a 10 year old." Artemis retorted, pulling Wally's hand off her hip as she greeted Dick and Zatanna.

"Hey guys, Happy Valentine's Day!" Artemis said while she hugged Zatanna.

"Thanks, you too!" replied Zatanna. "You look great by the way!"

"Really, you think so? I don't know, I felt like I kind of over did it."

"No way! You look amazing!" Zatanna then directed her sights toward Wally, "You're one lucky guy Wally, you better keep her around. I doubt you'll find a hotter blonde bombshell than this."

"You don't think I already know that Zee? I thank God every day for giving me this sexy thang." Wally tugged Artemis to his side and pecked her on the cheek, but Artemis quickly pulled away.

"Yea, that's complete bull. The only things you thank God every day for, is your super speed and food." Artemis' sass was definitely number one on Wally's list.

Feeling the tension starting to build between the two hotheads, Zatanna spoke up, "So, how about we order?"

'Finally' Dick thought. As the couples sat in their seats, ladies on one side of the table and guys on the other, Dick leaned over to Wally.

"Did you forget again? Artemis seems pretty PO'd at you." Dick whispered.

"Nah, she's just mad that I made us late – again. If I forgot this year, I'd probably be half way into a grave right now, so thanks again man."

Dick let out a small chuckle, knowing how realistic Wally's assumptions were.

"Yea, no problem, what are best pals for?"

Wally responded with a grateful smile and a wink, which Dick mirrored.

After the group order - Dick getting a 12 oz. steak, Zatanna and Artemis both getting a 6oz. prime rib, and Wally getting basically everything the restaurant had to offer – they retired to small talk.

"So how's it been with you guys? You know, with the whole college and retired hero thing." Dick asked the spitfire couple while sipping on his Champaign.

"It's been pretty good so far. At first it was pretty tough though, moving on from that craving of adrenaline rush from being a hero, that feeling of satisfaction when you accomplish a mission, or those genuine thanks you get from someone when you save their lives, but once we got past that, it was smooth sailing." Wally replied, looking over to Artemis when she nodded her head in agreement.

"Okay, then what about you two, being a couple. How's it been living with each other and being all lovey-dovey!" Zatanna basically squealed like a little girl from excitement.

"I been going great, in fact I don't think it could get any better, right babe?" Wally looked to Artemis for confirmation, but instead got a bitter scoff.

"Maybe for you, but for me it's like taking care of a child."

Wally with an incredulous look on his face said, "What do you mean by that?"

Artemis almost bursted into a fit of sarcastic laughter, "W-what do I mean by that? You leave your clothes freaking everywhere, you never clean the dishes, you eat basically everything, you smell like shit half the time, you snore in your sleep, shall I go on?"

"Well, I didn't know you felt that way, but if we're being completely honest then I was just lying about what I said earlier, I was just trying to spare your feelings. To be honest, you're a pretty shitty roommate too!" Wally rebutted.

"Oh really?! Tell me how I'm such a shitty roommate then Wally!"

The couple had started to attract judgmental attention from other guests. Dick and Zatanna just sat uncomfortably hoping that this didn't escalate to one of their usual arguments, because if it did, all Hell would break loose and Dick would have to pay for it – again.

"Well for starters, you can't cook; it's like eating cardboard! You never take Brucely out or pick up after him or give him baths! You always leave the seat down and your hair, oh my god your hair, it's freaking everywhere; in the sink, in the shower, on our bed, I'm pretty sure I've eaten like 2 pounds of your hair, like seriously you look like Rapunzel, cut the damn thing!"

Artemis looked as if she was going to murder Wally and she probably would've if it weren't for Zatanna, seeing that that was a realistic possibility, calming her down.

"Artemis, honey, look at me. You guys are making a scene and you're ruining other people's nights. So, just calm down and breathe. I know Wally can be a handful sometimes, but you knew that going into this, I mean, you guys have been together for what, 4 years now, and you guys always get through the rough patches, that's one of the things I admire about you guys. You both know deep down that you love each other and that no silly fight can bring you guys apart. So, just please, let this one go, and enjoy each other's company, I mean the guy geled (gelled?) his hair back for you."

"And he did remember it was Valentine's Day." Artemis admitted.

"Exactly, so say you're sorry, and let's have some fun. Dick and I rarely get to see you guys, and we'd like to remember you guys as the Team's favorite couple again, okay?"

Letting out a sigh, Artemis perked up and smiled at Zatanna, "Okay."

After having his own pep talk with Dick, Wally looked back toward Artemis, looking directly at her as if she were the only thing he saw, he gave a heart-warming apology making Zatanna 'aww' and hug Artemis as if she was some sort of abandoned puppy and earning a pat on the shoulder from Dick.

Seeing the spitfire couple mirroring each other's smiles and locking hands on the table instead of trying to gut each other's throat, Dick saw it appropriate to crack a light-hearted joke.

"Man Artemis, imagine if you knew Wally forgot Valentine's Day again this year, whew, we'd all be in some deep- oh fu-."

"WHAT?!" Artemis' shrieked, gaining the attention of everyone in the restaurant.

Instead of scolding Dick for his major slip-up, Wally was preoccupied with the hostile she-demon in front of him, "Babe, Artemis, ju-just let me explain."

"Oh, there's nothing to explain! You ungrateful, good-for-nothing, asshole!"

"Woah, wait Artemis! Wh-what are you doi-, put the knife down Artemis, Artemis!" Wally then let out a shrill as he managed to duck Artemis' knife thrown at him.

Artemis then continued to throw objects at Wally as he did his best to dodge them around the restaurant.

Dick, knowing that the whole thing was his fault looked to Zatanna for comfort, but instead received a disappointed shake of her head and her departure.

"Wait, Zee-" But before Dick could run after her, a waiter with a British accent interjected.

"You're bill sir."

"I didn't ask for the check yet though?" Dick questioned.

"Yes, but you're friends have caused quite the damage to our restaurant so we took the liberty of adding the expenses to your bill, and decided that we should let you know as soon as possible."

"Oh, okay. That's fair enough."

"If you need anything sir, please, hesitate to call."

And with that, the waiter left.

When Dick opened up the check, his eyes flared open in appall.

"$135,866! Shit, I better call Bruce." Dick rummaged through his pocket, only to remember the earlier incident with Zatanna, "Shit!"

"Watch out!" Wally called out.

Dick turned just in time to duck his head from a high-speed plate swirled his way. As Dick brought his head back up he thought to himself, 'I'm definitely not feeling the aster.'

**So Zatanna won by a pretty hefty margin, although I made my decision why it was about 5-4 in her favor. But anyway, I hope you gys enjoyed this one, it was a lot of to write and leave suggestions for other scenarios you'd like to see this eccentric couple be in.**


	6. Spitfire Goes Christmas Shopping

"Out! Get out!"

"I'm so sorry!"

"Get out now! Oh my god!"

"Really, I'm so so so sorry!"

"Ow! What was that for?"

"What was that for? Hmm… I don't know, maybe it's for getting us kicked out of the store." Artemis was pointing her finger at the Victoria Secret they were just kicked out of because Wally was making inappropriate gestures and poses with the mannequins.

"Ow!" Wally whined again, rubbing the back his head where Artemis had slapped him twice. "Hey, it's not my fault. They shouldn't have mannequins wearing lingerie in the first place."

"Ugh! You are such a pig Wally." Artemis said, quickly walking away from Wally and muttering curses under her breath.

"Hey wait up babe!" Wally clumsily picked up all of their bags and straggled behind Artemis.

The two were at the mall Christmas shopping and they had already bought gifts for the entire team. They bought Superboy another black shirt with a red Superman shield on it from Hot Topic. They got a cook book for M'gann at Barnes and Nobles. For Kaldur they got him a 'You're the Best Dad' mug, seeing it as the closest thing to 'leader' at Hallmark and for Dick they got him "Reasons Why Being Short is Nothing Short of Being Awesome," a book whose title is pretty self-explanatory. Artemis had then decided to check out Victoria Secret since they had a Christmas sale going on, up until they got kicked out. Now they were looking for gifts for each other, but neither had no idea the other was doing so. Instead, they both thought that they were looking for gifts for their respected mentors.

"I'm thinking I should get him Flash pez dispenser, you think they still sell those?" Wally asked while Artemis surveyed Men's razors. Artemis hated GA's goatee, she thought it made him look creepy, like child molester creepy, and it made her feel uncomfortable especially since they spent so much time together.

Wally was idly putting out suggestions of what he should get Flash while he tried to figure out an excuse for him to leave Artemis and get her gift without her following.

"Maybe, socks? He does wear socks. Whadya think babe, should I get Barry socks?"

"Yea sure, why don't you go check at Men's Warehouse, I'll meet you later?" Artemis suggested, waving her hand for Wally to go her eyes still on the razors.

'Perfect!' Wally thought, "Alright, see later then. Take your time though; you don't want to get the wrong one, there nothing worse than a crappy razor." And with that, Wally left to get Artemis' gift.

"Finally." Artemis mused, snatching a razor off the shelf that she'd picked 5 minutes ago, but was waiting for Wally to leave. After she'd paid for it, Artemis went to go get Wally's gift.

Wally finally got to the Jared's jewelry store and searched for the necklace he remembered Artemis had looked at every time they were there.

"Can I help you sir?" A tall and muscular man asked worriedly when he saw the redheaded speedster intently eyeing the jewelry with a constipated look on his face.

Wally looked up from his previous awkward position of the tip of his nose barely touching the glass with his hands spread across the glass case and his body in an uncomfortable crouching pose.

"Umm, yea, I'm looking for a necklace that has this really cool and unique diamond arrow charm. You know which one I'm talking about?"

"I think I do." The man unlocked the glass case and inspected the collection jewelry before pulling a necklace out. "Ahh, here we are. I presume this is the one you are looking for?"

Wally took the necklace from the man's hands and immediately his face began to gleam. "This is it."

Artemis sifted through the khaki pants in American Eagle until she found one that she thought Wally would like and actually wear. Once she found one in Wally's size, she went and paid for it and went to go meet up with Wally at Men's Warehouse.

Wally left Jared's filled with excitement and satisfaction even though his bank account was completely dry. But he knows it was worth the price of being able to see the look on Artemis' face when she opens it.

As Wally was heading back to Men's Warehouse, a man sprayed him with cologne catching him off-guard.

"Woah man! What was that?" Wally demanded brushing his clothes off as if he was covered in cockroaches.

"Chill out my man, it was just some cologne. Made with all natural oils and comes in three different fragrances. Only $35.99 a bottle my man, and we'll even give you a pre-wrapped box for you to put it in as a gift."

'Aunt Iris does complain a lot of about Uncle Barry's odor, especially after a nights running around the city' Wally thought to himself. "Hmm… you got any ones with lavender in it?"

"Come on in my man, I'll hook you right on up." The man hooked his arm around Wally's shoulder and led him into the store.

'Where is he?' Artemis stared at her watch, tapping her foot impatiently with an annoyed look on her face.

"Hey babe, you find the perfect razor for ol' Ollie?" Wally asked as he walked in.

Artemis pulled out the razor to answer Wally's question.

"What's in the bag?" Artemis asked askance.

"Oh, nothing. Just some cologne I bought for Uncle Barry. Aunt Iris has been complaining that he smells."

"Alright, well if you got everything then let's go. I can't stand shopping."

"Right this way then my lady."

On the day of Christmas, the whole team was gathered around their homemade Christmas tree that they decorated with numerous ornaments as they opened their gifts.

All of them loved each other's gifts, some were creative, some were funny, some were inappropriate, some were sentimental, but no matter what kind of gift it was they were all genuinely appreciative and at the moment it was Wally's turn to be appreciative as he was opening up Artemis' gift.

Shredding off the wrapping paper in record time, Wally opened up the plain white box to a pair of khaki pants similar to the seven others he had at home.

"Aww thanks Artemis. I needed pants." Wally was too anxious to care how bad Artemis' gift was; he just wanted Artemis to open hers from him.

"Yea, no problem." Artemis said, as Wally gave her a smooch on the cheek.

"Alright, your turn babe." Wally excitedly handed Artemis' gift to her, his face beaming with joy."

The whole team all closed in closer to the pair, wondering why Wally was so excited about his gift.

Artemis was looking at Wally with a suspicious look, wondering why he was so excited about her gift. She wanted to assume the worst, thinking it would be some sort of gag gift and something would shoot up or pop out at her, but she tried to think optimistically in the spirit of Christmas.

After receiving no indication from Wally as to what it was, Artemis slowly peeled back the wrapping paper. The team scooted in closer to the pair as they felt the anticipation mounting, while Wally was basically vibrating from anticipation.

When Artemis finally tore back the last piece of wrapping paper, she gave another questioning look to Wally who just had a giant grin spread across his face with his eyes intensely focused on the box.

As Artemis lifted up the lid to the box, the team was basically now breathing down Wally's neck while his face looked like it was restraining itself from imploding. The expression on Artemis' face when she saw the item in the box was one of utter shock and appall. Tears started to run down her face as her mouth and eyes stretched wide open. The expression on Wally's face immediately changed too upon seeing Artemis' reaction, going from pure excitement to sheer disappointment.

Artemis held her expression, eyes glued to item in the box for what seemed like eternity. Wally, starting to become worried reached out his hand to comfort her, but was stopped abruptly when all of a sudden he was wrapped in Artemis' arms being embraced in a warm and intimate hug.

Artemis pulled her head off of Wally's shoulder to face him. Wally's face was distorted in confusion, pleading for an explanation, but before he could ask for one Artemis whispered, "I love you," then kissed him passionately until Wally pulled away for him to say 'I love you' back and also saying that he understood now. The Team, still confused about Artemis' reaction leaned in closer to see what was in the box and when they saw the necklace with the diamond arrow charm, they all 'oohed' like the Toy Story aliens.

Later that night.

_At Green Arrow's manor_

"I can't believe you got me a gift Artemis, you know you didn't have to?" Green Arrow said, as Artemis handed him a long, rectangular present.

"Yea, yea, just open it."

"Man, I wonder what I could be." GA said in a terribly fake and in genuine tone causing both Artemis and Black Canary to roll their eyes. (GA was assuming it was an Apple watch).

As GA opened the lid he began saying, "Oh my god Artemis, I can't believe you got me – a razor?" GA's face was priceless, never had Black Canary seen him go from complete joy to utter disappointment, causing her to go into a fit of laughter while Artemis shot a smirk at a very grumpy Green Arrow.

_At Flash's house_

"Merry Christmas Uncle Barry, Merry Christmas Aunt Iris!"

"Thanks Kid, this is really nice of you." Flash wrapped his arm around Wally giving him a quick squeeze and tousling his hair.

"Thank you Wally, but you really didn't have to get us a gift." Iris said while wrapping Wally up in a hug.

"Psh! West's always give each other presents! Now, go ahead open it up." Wally gestured.

Barry took the liberty in unwrapping it, using his super speed to rip off the wrapping paper. When Barry pulled out the cologne, both he and Iris had a look of confusion on their face which Wally took as his cue to explain.

"Aunt Iris has been complaining about how bad you smell after missions and stuff so I got you cologne, see I told you it was for the both of you guys!"

Barry's face turned red in chagrin while Iris just gave him a pleading look on innocence.

**Hope you guys enjoyed and review suggestions or dm me, cause im bound to start running out of ideas! Thanks!**


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